Funny Christmas Wishes
I hope your smiles will be as big as your credit card bill this Christmas! Wish you good luck and a lot of fun. Happy Christmas!
I hope Santa fills our socks with cash instead of gifts and toys. I know you hope for the same. Wish you a happy Christmas!
Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic; Merry Christmas!
Christmas is all about spending time with good people. So makes sure you spend the entire day with me tomorrow. Merry Christmas, sweetheart!
Enjoy this Christmas till you find your name in Santa’s naughty list. May you have a great holiday!
Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too until the credit card bills arrive!
Remember to smile and enjoy your time. Because when Christmas is over, nobody will care whether you exist or not!
I’ve finally found the true meaning of Xmas, it’s for those people who can’t spell Christmas!
Merry Christmas! May you have enough time to groom yourself on this holiday. I think Santa needs to shave his beard too!
Just wanted you to know that you have literally no chance of ending up on the good list of Santa this year. Merry Christmas to you!
Some people have a great year in life and some years have bad people in them. Feeling sorry yet? Just kidding. May your Christmas be full of fun!
I tried to hard to make Santa believe that you’ve been good throughout the year. Instead, I got my presents canceled for being a friend of you!
I prayed that Santa would give you wings this Christmas so you can fly and disappear from the earth forever. Just kidding. Merry Christmas!
You know your life sucks when you have to wait the entire year for Santa to bring you some presents because apparently, no one care to give you a present.
This Christmas is all about feeling special. I hope you spend this Christmas drinking to the point that you completely forget you’re a loser!
One important rule of Christmas; You can eat all the sweet candies as long as you don’t forget to brush your teeth. Merry Christmas!
Santa Clause exists, and he has to work during the holidays. How pathetic!
Let us take some time to curse fat Santa for not giving us credit cards this Christmas!
May you survive the priest’s boring speech in the church and join me at the party as soon as possible. Merry Christmas!
Christmas is season of magic and mystery. All your savings for the year will have vanished and you won’t even know it. How awesome!
The reason why everyone makes wishes every Christmas is that no one’s wish ever comes true! Making Christmas wishes is just a custom! Merry Christmas!
You are too young to go to a club and have a drink and too old to expect gifts from Santa. In fact, you just don’t fit into the joys of Christmas!
Funny Christmas Messages
Christmas is not only for praying and praising. But for drinking and messing around also. Merry Christmas!
Dearest God, this Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!
Christmas is the festival of love and spirit. So let us drink the spirit to feel love; Merry Christmas too!
I don’t understand why people like to say “Mary Christmas.” Isn’t it Jesus’ birthday? We should say, “Jesus Christmas.”
Santa told me you’d been very good this year; I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!
A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss is not a kiss unless it’s with tongues. So open your mouth and close your eyes and give your tongue some exercise! Merry Christmas!
Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!
Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body. Santa asked what are you doing and she answered: Waiting for autumn.
I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
I think Santa should hire giants instead of elves so that he can have a faster production of gifts. Have a fun Christmas!
A Christmas Reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; They’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!
Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poison cookies you just ate. Thank you.
I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new credit card as well!
Hey you two over there, It’s the old, bearded guy and his silly reindeer! We’re here to bring you holiday cheer and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Santa left batteries under the tree with a note that said “Due to cutbacks, toys not included.
Is Santa so busy that he cannot find time to groom himself? I think he needs to shave his beard.
I have Kept some photos in my home So come here instead of Church you can drink and pray, And no more boring speech from the priest Merry Christmas and Happy New year!
Everyone knows the most important part of the Christmas celebration is spending time with family you don’t get to see very often. Then you have an excuse to neglect them for the rest of the year.
Funny Christmas Wishes for Him
So flippin’ excited to spend this Christmas with you. Can’t wait to make some funny moments with you.
Someone woke up early in the morning to check his socks. Good for the socks, good for my morning too!
Santa has already given me what I wished for so long. Now I want him to fill your socks too! Merry Christmas!
Sending your way, a bundle of warm wishes and good luck on this holiday. Take my love and don’t forget to bring presents for me tonight. Merry Christmas!
Lob a snowball at me, and I’ll declare war. Let’s make this one the best Christmas for us together! Merry Christmas to you!
I Wish Santa fill your socks with candy and your wallet with money. Have a nice and warm holiday season my love! Merry Christmas to you!
Funny Christmas Wishes for Her
If I forget to bring presents for you, keep your doors open. Santa will definitely come with a box of chocolates. Merry Christmas!
You’re too young to go to clubs with friends. Pray for gifts from Santa or let’s go on a date this Christmas. Merry Christmas Cutypie!
Enjoy your holiday and feel the magic of Christmas this year. Witness how money disappears and how I lose my sanity. Merry Christmas!
Wishing for a fat bearded guy to visit me at night is not cool. I’d rather wish it was you in a red gown. Merry Christmas!
Santa asked me what my heart wants this Christmas! I told him your name, and he said you’re already in my heart! Merry Christmas!
I have no money to spend for you on this Christmas but know that I always have time to spend with you this Christmas! I love you!
Everything grows old, except for You and Santa. Merry Christmas, my love. Sending warm wishes on your way this Christmas!
Funny Christmas Wishes for Friends
Stop asking for presents from Santa and be the Santa for the kids around you. Suits your age. Merry Christmas!
You’re now at a stage of your life when you really need to ask yourself if you believe in Santa or not! Grow up, man. Merry Christmas!
Good luck with wishing people unrealistic things from someone who doesn’t even exist. Have a great Christmas this year!
Wishing you a white Christmas this year. If you run out of the white one, remember I have plenty of supply for the red one. Merry Christmas dear friend!
I’ve just received the bad news. Santa had a heart attack. Cause of death was your name on the good list of this year!
Christmas is the only time when eating candy out of socks is cool! Good luck with your smelly socks and expired candies. Merry Christmas!
Funny Christmas Wishes for Girlfriend/Boyfriend
Every time I see you, I think of Santa. You have so many things in common with that big, fat, silly guy except that long-white beard. Merry Christmas dear!
You are a huge blessing in my life (just over 200 pounds!!). I’m glad that you didn’t fall upon me directly from the sky. Merry Christmas!
I wrote to Santa admitting that I have been naughty throughout this year and it’s all because of you. Now, I’m waiting for Santa’s reply. Merry Christmas!
Christmas has been postponed because I did not receive my late-night kiss. So, if you want to celebrate Christmas, you have to hug me as a penalty. Merry Christmas!
Your name has been missing from both the naughty and nice list of Santa. So, I told him to search for your name on his handsome list. I’m sure he will find it there!
I hope when Santa comes at midnight, he brings you wrapped in a box as my Christmas gift! That would make a perfect Christmas for me this year!
May your Christmas be spent eating candies and cakes as long as you don’t forget brushing your teeth. Wishing you a Merry Xmas!
The only rule for you to follow this Christmas; don’t drink too much if I’m not there to carry you home! Merry Christmas!
Funny Christmas Wishes for Husband/Wife
Merry Christmas dear! The only thing that I hate about Christmas is a bearded, fat moron invading our home at midnight and calling you A ‘Ho’.
Christmas may well be a season to celebrate for you, but for me, it means trying my ass off to save every single penny I earned this year and make it through to the next year.
Our plans for Christmas: Let’s have all the fun of our life and then we’ll both be praying until our credit bills arrive to rip us off. Happy Xmas!
The true magic of Christmas is when you make my savings disappear without me realizing what happened. You’re truly a blessing in disguise of a wife!
Let’s drink till we start admitting our sins to each other and then sober up realizing we don’t remember anything from last night. What a great Christmas that would be!
I wished to be surrounded by good people, not the ones that spoil my mood. But Santa told me that offer was not for married people.
What should have been a day for going to churches and attending prayers instead became a day for the wives to make their husbands’ savings disappear. This is Xmas day for you!
The season has finally come for every husband in the world to go broke from being rich finally. Merry Christmas to all the beautiful wives out there.
Funny Christmas Greetings
I know you are grouchy, but I wish your Christmas to be merry! Best wishes to you!
It’s hard to smile when your wallet runs out of cash but still, Merry Christmas and good luck on fulfilling the wishes of you kids!
It’s time to enjoy the holiday, spend some real cash, and realize in the end that money is everything that we ever wanted from Santa.
Please allow Jesus to Come and Bless people in Church on Christmas; if he sees you there, he may not. So come here and have a party with me; Merry Christmas to you!
Merry Christmas to you. I can see you have a great decoration there. But I think your credit card bill will not be as attractive as your decorations!
I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you are getting fatter than Santa Clause. Even Santa would bully you this for being so fat! Merry Christmas!
I think Santa must ride a plane instead of a sleigh so that he can reach me faster. I oftentimes fell asleep waiting for him.
Anyone who believes that men are equal to women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
You are allowed to have an awesome Christmas as long as I have my presents waiting at my doorstep. Have a great time!
Funny Christmas Quotes
“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa? – Matt Groening
“You better watch out, You better not cry, Better not pout, I’m telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town.” – Haven Gillespie
“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller
“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White
“Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – Dennis Miller
“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar
“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.” – Robert Paul
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde
“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis
“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle Goodrich
“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney
“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? – Arlo Guthrie
“From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it.” – Katharine Whitehorn
“Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.” – Sean Hughes