The relationship seemed perfect when you first got together, but then you noticed that your partner was gradually taking control of everything, including the way you feel about yourself. Controllers do more than control.
They create their own fantasy world and expect you to live up to their ideal version of you. They paint a pretty picture of your relationship that they display to the outside world, even though the life you lead at home is completely different.
The controller often appears very charming and intelligent. People may find it hard to believe that they can be very different in their relationships.
Although controllers seem to be very confident, they usually suffer from low self-esteem. The controlling partner tells you what you need, what you don’t need, and how you feel. They soon have you believing that you don’t know what you want and that the controller knows best.
The controller wants you to be completely dependent on him. He may encourage you to quit your job and move away from him. He may try to alienate you from your friends and family by putting distance between you or other manipulative tactics.
Friends and relatives often recognize your controlling partner’s manipulative ways before you do. You might even find yourself making excuses for him.
Once you have realized that you have been the victim of a controller, you may decide to end the relationship. The controlling partner will try to manipulate you into believing that he will change. This is his way of making you feel guilty and getting you to stay.
He may even pretend to change for a short time. Once he feels comfortable that you’re not going anywhere, he’ll fall back into his old ways. The controller will feel that he is in control once again. Don’t let the controller manipulate you. If you really want out of the relationship, you need to be decisive and take action.
Once you make your intentions known to your partner, be prepared for him to try and change your mind. He may plead with you to stay and promise to change. He may also cry or become angry. His tactics may vary, but his goal will be to make your stay.
If he’s done this before, then you know he’s not likely to change. Don’t let him make you feel guilty. You are not the villain.
Arrange to stay with a friend or relative that your partner does not know. It is best to have someone with you when you leave.
Contact local authorities if you feel your partner may harm you or himself. Once you have left, avoid contact with your ex-partner. He may try to contact you or have mutual friends get in touch with you on his behalf. He may make attempts to talk with you and work his way back into your life.
Cut the ties altogether. If you have children with your ex-partner, seek legal counsel to make proper arrangements. Take time to heal and take back your life.
